New invention idea: vibrating tampons
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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