Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
