I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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