somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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