Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
