i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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