Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
