hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize