Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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