we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
