i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
