you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
