how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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