Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize