Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
