so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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