The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
