Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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