he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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