I think i peed on brittanys purse
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
