my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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