Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
