Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
