i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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