You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Randomize
