Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
