i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
