some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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