You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
