I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
