My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
