Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
