Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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