Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
im six kinds of drunk right now
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize