yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
someone owes me an orgasm
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
