Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
