I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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