my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
