genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
