Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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