I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You are a genius and a whore.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
