You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
