Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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