I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
