I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
