I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
