He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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