I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
MIDGETS
????
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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