It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
