Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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