It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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