He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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