I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
