just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
