If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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