hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
