i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Randomize
