It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
