here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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