it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
