I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
