There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
