Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
