i always forget guys have bellybuttons
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
