i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
