I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
