I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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