i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize