I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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