so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
