Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize