my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
