My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I think I died a long time ago.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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