Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
