your thong is hanging out like whoa
She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
