Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
