Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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