No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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