Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
