it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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