My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
