idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize