i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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