so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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