I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
