I wanna bring you to show and tell
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
