smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
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