haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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