Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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