Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
