This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
