if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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